Dick Parts

MY HAIR IS LITERALLY PERFECT TODAY

it doesn’t even matter if i already put on my footie pajamas and am not leaving the house at all

i am perfect

i am good to look at

probably this

if this doesn’t get me beat up, i don’t know what will!!!!!

Judith(?) and I.

prettiest and sassiest babies.

I don’t know if y’all knew yet,

but I’m a gay.

i’m gettin’ a pimple, oh god

dis is me n my kitten

i am wearing a NASCAR jacket and have an ethereal glow because i am a cool fairy, and not because flash and bad lighting

It’s important to note that I did this in 5 inch stilettos, and upon returning home for thanksgiving, my mother remarked that “It’s like you’re transitioning… in to a drag queen.”

So when I moved in the early Summer, I had planned to bike back to my parents’ house along the canal every day to tend to my garden.

But then I got sick, so that really wasn’t an option.

All the things I meticulously planned out, plotted, and planted became extremely overgrown.
Without me there to prune and train them, and cut blossoms and things,
they just… sprawled.

My horseradish took up like, five times more space than a horseradish plant should take,

My daikon ran out of space, and actually started just growing out of the ground because they couldn’t go down anymore.

My butternut squash, which I was so sure had been irreparably damaged by animal, sprawled a good 12 feet in many directions, with actually a ton of blossoms and fruit, which is shocking considering they had no compost or fertilizing materials added at all,

My kale are harvestable. I have one of each of the breeds that I planted.

Beets are all overgrown, all my radishes have a bunch of pods on them,

My onions got so overgrown with weeds around them, that they crowded out the onions, and they’re just these teeny lil’ guys about the size of a marble.

It was just… Good.