Dick Parts

oh god i am worried about this seroquel recall now

i am v unstable

okay last night i was telling sean about the time i was on mushrooms?? and I said “[…]and I had bondage rope in my bag,” and he was like “Of course you did, and like
um
what’s that supposed to mean????????????
u wanna go???????????????????

brandnewswastikas:

Sometimes you just need to bong out with your dong out. You know, vape out with your snake out, bubbler out with your chubbler out, smoke out with your penis skin showing.

brandnewswastikas:

Long story short, don’t try to use wheat. They sound similar, but weed gets you way higher. 

last night i got high and became incredibly emotionally invested in RuPaul’s Drag Race

i spent the entire performance smiling and clutching my lil gay hands, and then the entire lip-sync competition with my brow furrowed and my lil gay hands clutched so hard i couldn’t feel them, and just kept squealing in various intonations

finch is coming home, we just talked!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

they will be here tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and they left ativan for in case i have another panic attack!!!!!!!!

[trigger warning: drugs]

tune in next time to find out if i ever leave my house again, because i’m p sure somebody slipped me something last night, and now i’d be p okay with not ever going to a party. ever.

[trigger warning: suicide, drugs, hospitals]

It seems really out of nowhere, and unlike me to do something like this, and I am just still really confused, and my memory is very slowly coming back.

I know that I was heavily influence in to doing this because of the ativan. Like, it made me think it was a logical choice to take more, and/or try to kill myself.

I’ve never really been under the influence of drugs in that way. In which I haven’t been able to control myself, or be aware of what I was doing.
And half the time I was acting quite logically, just under the overarching scenario of complete hysteria. I’m just so confused. And really distrusting of psychiatric drugs, and really even more distrusting of doctors, as if I needed that. I don’t know where to go from here, and I’m sorry I am reasoning this all out here. I have very little memory, and have been pretty heavily sedated for the past three days.

trigger warning: suicide, sexual abuse

I’m just having a lot of feels about this whole situation, by which I mean feels about the feels that I feel that it’s not a big deal, but also feels of not being heard, and feels of hopelessness, and I’ve never in my life wanted to kill myself more, I walked  back from that hospital, planning to take the rest, and maybe drink some alcohol or something, and I just feel like this came out of NOWHERE

And I have been thinking the past few days about PTSD, and how I never considered it a valid thing for me to have, because I just don’t think about it anymore, and it was a long time ago,

but avoiding thinking about it is a symptom. And a lot of things are symptoms. Things that I have. I mean, I don’t even talk to my biological father anymore. I avoid anything that reminds me of that time, or anything surrounding the sexual abuse.

And when b yelled at me today, it was the scariest thing I’ve experienced in a long time. He sounded like him. I was scared. I was too scared to leave, I was trapped in this corner, and I was terrified, and I just went to sleep.

He doesn’t deserve this. He doesn’t deserve to have to deal with this again.

I am breaking. I am slowly breaking and getting worse, and this seems okay to me, and that’s what’s upsetting.

Life is too hard to live right now. I can’t do chronic illness, and I can’t do responsibility, and work, and love, and friends, and I can’t do my own thoughts, it’s too much. It’s all too much.
I want to run away. I hate this.

you okay, bb?

A story I don’t actually want most of you to read.

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capturethefag:

How high do you have to be to adopt a mouse as your son and name it Stuart

how high do you have to be to just totally roll with the fact that you birthed a mouse, and then name it Stuart, and accept it as your son

the book is weirder than the movie

(via queercakes)

[trigger warning: drugs and drug use]

Our upstairs neighbor is really lovely, and gave us some weed,

and I left it on the windowsill, on top of the rolling paper he gave us.

And then I got high with our next door neighbors, and upstairs neighbors, so I left Mara to go do dishes, and whatnot, as I will make dinner, and they will do dishes, and that’s just how it works,

So I was out in the backyard, high as balls, just sitting there, while they cleaned. And then they put me to bed, still high as balls. When I woke up in the morning, I remembered the weed, and went to go put it away. When I got to the kitchen, it wasn’t there. So I called back to the bedroom, “Mara, where’s the weed?”

“What weed?”

“The weed the neighbor gave to us?”

“You smoked it?”

“No, I didn’t, I left it on the windowsill.”

“What windowsill?”

“The one in the kitchen.”

“What?”

“On top of a rolling paper, in the kitchen!”

“Ooooh,”

“Oh my god,”

“I thought it was kale!”

“You thought the weed was kale?!”

“I’m so sorry!”

“So you put it in the compost?”

“Yes!”

“Oh my god. It was on top of a rolling paper!”

“Well, we’re moving, there are papers everywhere!”

“It’s a big dry ball. And it smells. And it was on a rolling paper!!!!!!!!”

So I go open the compost, and the weed had soaked up moisture from the rice in there,
and oh my god
the smell.
Good lord.

Mara.

oh

my goodness

I just did participant interviews for Project Acorn, and I feel like my heart is going to fall out of me. I am dizzy and my chest hurts, BUT HEY

THAT WAS AMAZING. I am so excited for Project Acorn, everybody is GREAT, and this is all so great.

Even if it is stressful to have to talk to people and stuff,
I’m just,
so pleased.

And now, to wind down, we’re going to spend our evening smoking weed, and watching children’s movies from the 90s. (But not flubber, because everywhere we called doesn’t have it. TERRIBLE. FLUBBER IS A CLASSIC.)